Finding Your Spiritual Strength in the Midst of Your Emotional Turmoil
There were so many emotions that I experienced in 2003 when the doctor confirmed I had Breast Cancer; I was overwhelmed. That was a point in my life that seemed to play out in slow motion. I was in a perpetual state of emotional turmoil. I had so many different emotions surfacing then, some of them I couldn't even identify.
There were many days when I was bombarded by questions for which I didn't have the answers; and in some instances, I had answers but no questions. I sometimes felt like I had been punched by a world class boxer in the middle of my stomach; all the air was knocked out of me.I couldn't catch my breath, and for a little while I allowed this to be my reality.
I certainly felt that I was entitled; poor me. I wallowed in my self pity, my anger, my frustration, and my zombie- like state of total helplessness- for a little while; but soon self pity, and anger, and helplessness- to my surprise- became my licking stick. I was being hurt by the very emotions that made me feel validated. I was being betrayed by those same feelings that gave me a sense of safety. I was a prisoner of all my fears. In reality I was spiritually exposed, my emotions were raw; I was vulnerable. I remember thinking, how dare cancer invade my breast? I remember thinking no one in the family ever had cancer, so how could I get breast cancer? I remember trying to pin point a time when I may have done something to attract breast cancer. I remember trying to figure out why a vegetarian, health conscious nut would get breast cancer?any cancer.
This was not supposed to happen to me; it had to be a mistake. They were all legitimate, reasonable thoughts and questions for which I had no answers. I was scared, I was angry, I felt alienated, I was proud, I was determined, I was in shock, I was depressed, I was sorry for me. I was suffering and I wanted to suffer alone. I wanted no assistance because no one else understood. I was adamant in my efforts to lock everyone who cared about me out of the circle of my conflicting emotions; so I kept all those emotions under cover. I couldn't show it to anyone. I was stalwart in the presence of adversity?and the pressure kept building, silently.
I rode this emotional rollercoaster for what seemed like an eternity. I was too scared, proud, angry, shocked, and confused to break down in front of anyone, or so I thought.
One day, I came to an emotional/ spiritual impasse. The pressure was building on both levels, and when it erupted, it did so unexpectedly. It did so with great pizzazz.
I was all alone when the lid blew. I threw an emotional tantrum. I was praying and I thought I was doing great until all hell broke loose. Somewhere during my praying, I started reasoning with God and cancer. Then unknowingly I moved on to pleading; I was scared. I was so scared. I could barely move. I was overcome by the fear of being ravished and dying a horrible death. I was overcome by pride of not wanting anyone to see me physically debilitated and withering away. I was hot, I was cold?I felt trapped in a multitude of emotions?I couldn't breathe?I started hyper-ventilating. My head was spinning from all the conflicting, confusing emotions that surfaced that day.
Fear soon became anger and frustration. I stood in front of the Dresser mirror and I started a conversation with Breast Cancer- like it was a real person; I found myself calling it DeMon. I was tired of being scared to the point of immobility on all levels. I was pissed it chose to set up residence in my little breast. I had had enough; it was time to face my demon; time to handle my business. It was time for cancer to feel my true inner strength. I decided at that moment to fight back - I don't even remember going into the shower, but that is where my daughter and my granddaughter found me screaming, cursing, and beating the stuffing out of the shower walls I had a cry to end all crying.
They both came into the shower with me and we all had a good cry together. When I stepped out of the shower that day, I affirmed my intentions to cancer- You want a fight cancer? Well, you got one on your hands now. You don't know the half of it. I am going to kick your a**...and, I am going to do it in the name of my God.
It was therapeutic. It was cleansing. It was refreshing.
After that episode, I felt better than I had felt since I got the - you have aggressive breast cancer- news. I was able to tell my daughters why I was crying, why I had suddenly become a recluse, and why I was so moody and aloof. I was able to explain how I really felt- no holds barred. Somehow, in the midst of all the turmoil I found a way to deal with my breast cancer issues; no more cowering in the dark, no more hiding from the reality of my situation, no more intimidation from DeMon .The time had come for me to set my parameters for this disease. I discarded reactive for proactive measures. I started writing my feelings down in my journals.
I made a list of my expectations-wants/needs, and I made concrete plans to defeat breast cancer. I replaced the fear of suffering and death with the will to live a happy productive and healthy life - cancer free.
I am a breast cancer survivor. I continue to write and counsel survivors about keeping a positive attitude and enjoying all that life has to offer. Mastectomy is not the end of our world...the spread of cancer can be and I truly believe that a positive attitude helps. I have claimed my quality of life back and despite all the side effects of Chemo and Radiation treatments, Neuropathy and Vertigo, I am as sexy and as vibrant as I want to be. I have to make adjustments on a daily basis but I am still here...alive and now living cancer free. I kicked breast cancer's butt and you certainly can do. Remember- the best protection is early detection. Put cancer in it's place under God and under you and move forward on faith confident in God's promise that He will come to your aid if you ask. I am living proof of it.
Do You Know Some Nutrients Help Prevent Breast Cancer?
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Breast Cancer for Beginners
Introduction Because of the social changes, which has brought increased number of workingwoman and hence delayed childbearing, there has been a steep rise in the number of breast cancer patients in the last few decades. But as the incidence of the patients has risen so has raised the modality of treatments and the success rates.
Breast Cancer Detection Unit for the Home
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For many people being told that they have cancer is one of the most stressful times in their lives. Just as we think we have everything under control, something comes along that can shatter even the strongest of wills.
Passive Smokers Can Get Breast Cancer! Learn How?
US scientists have claimed that secondhand smokers are at higher risk of Breast Cancer. Earlier, their research also led to them to the conclusion that young women smokers are more likely to get addicted to smoking than young men.
Breast Cancer - 101
The cancer is a term for diseases in which abnormal cells divide uncontrollably invading near by tissue and spreading to other parts of the body via blood stream or lymphatic system.Similarly, in breast cancer, a single cell begins to divide and grow abnormally.
Breast Cancer Screening
Breast cancer is the second most common cancer women face second only to lung cancer, however it is the most feared cancer or disease for most women. It occurs in about 12% of women who will live to the age of 90.
Mammogram and Breast Cancer Screening
Cancer screening The term screening is commonly used for a test that is used for evaluation of a person for possible disease without the person ever having any symptoms or signs of the disease. Screening tests are usually undertaken in a target population, which has significantly high risk of developing the disease.
Are Obese Women Getting Short-Changed By Chemotherapy Treatments?
How much chemotherapy does an obese woman need? Typically an obese woman with breast cancer would receive reduced doses of chemotherapy as they battle breast cancer.Back in June of 2005, a study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine concluded that obese women should receive chemotherapy based on their actual weight, and not in reduced as amounts as it the standard practice.
Early Breast Cancer Detection
Most women are familiar with mammography as our "gold standard" for breast cancer screening. However, there are additional tools available that women can add to their arsenal.
New Hope to Prevent Breast Cancer: What Every Woman Needs to Know
In March, 2005, a major nutritional breakthrough in the fight against breast cancer was announced by U.S.
Fourteen Simple Things You Can Do To Reduce Your Risk for Breast Cancer
1. Increase your consumption of fresh, organic fruits and vegetables.
Digital Infrared Thermal Imaging In Medical Therapy
Digital technology now makes Digital Infrared Thermal Imaging available to all. There now is a completely safe test that can aid in diagnosis, treatment and monitoring with absolutely no risk or radiation exposure.
Naural Self-Defense Against Breast Cancer - Learning to Cope Successfully with Organochlorine Pollut
What are organochlorines?Organochlorines are chemicals found in some herbicides and pesticides, in chlorine bleach and most chemical disinfectants, and many plastics, especially PVC (polyvinylchloride).Organochlorines are implicated in causing and promoting breast cancer because they mutate genes and they cause breast cells to become more receptive to a cancer-promoting chemical called estradiol.
Can You Reduce Your Risk of Breast Cancer?
We hear it all the time?lose weight for your health. Few people however, realize the extent to which this is critical to their physical well-being and ultimately their life expectancy.
Early Detection And Breast Cancer
It is generally accepted that by the time a cancer is found by mammography or palpated during a clinical breast exam, the cancer has been growing for 8-10 years. What if we could have been alerted to the problem as it was developing, rather than wait till it is large enough to be seen by the naked eye? Would that be of interest to you?There exists a technology that can detect an issue YEARS before a tumor can be seen on X-ray or palpated during an exam.
Gift Giving for Breast Cancer Patients and Their Families
Did you know that each year, 182,000 women are diagnosed with breast cancer and 43,300 die? One woman in eight either has or will develop breast cancer in her lifetime. In addition, 1,600 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer and 400 will die this year.
Finding the Spirit - Identifying the Enemy
In the daily fight for survival our vision is blurred because our health is compromised. This is when the enemy attacks- we lose focus and become vulnerable.
Mammograms Are No Joke - They Can Save Lives!
There are so many jokes about mammograms! Have you heard the one about the fridge door ?or the bookends ?or the garage floor? Thanks to all the jokes, "Mammogram" has become a household word, and it's not that I don't have a sense of humor, but as a mammography technologist, I've heard the jokes many times. I think the jokes are embarrassing for women and demeaning with regard to their physical bodies.
Screening For Breast Cancer With No Compression And No Radiation
Who would have thought that a technology for detecting breast cancer used today actually had its' roots dating back to 480 B.C.
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